couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
