I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
