It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
