I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
