So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
