check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I puked a lego.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i've created a new STD.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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