i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
