i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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