Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
