Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
