I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
