Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We were destined to go to rehab together
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
