Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize