you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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