So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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