Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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