best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
