I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
