every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
