Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
