i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
