and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
