On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
