I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
