Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
