What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
