Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
