I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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