I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
