I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
