dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
