pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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