Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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