dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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