i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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