a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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