SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize