I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
