Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
