I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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