worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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