I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
