so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
