Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
