So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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