So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
