.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
