I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
