Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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