I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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