Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
