he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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