Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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