Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
