brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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