Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
