Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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