I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
