I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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