everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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