the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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