We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
