So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
