Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
