STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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