i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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