def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
