she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
