i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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